call me by my name cause I am afraid to losing myself

Today, I was reminded of a drama I watched a month ago. I recommended and shared with my friends through my Instagram story about this drama.

It's called The Red Sleeve.

At first glance, I thought this drama had an ordinary plot because when I read the epilogue, I was not too invested in this drama.

I watched episode after episode until it was finished. The drama doesn't have too many spectacular conflicts, but that's the point.

It made me see women and their projections about marriage; filled with fear. Deok Im (the female lead) invites us (especially women) to feel what she feels.

Deok Im is a palace maid. She is a hardworking and passionate maid since she works in the strategist position; she is the prince's servant.

She also enjoys educating herself as she learns through her daily duties in the library as a librarian. She was full of charm, the bravery one, and confidence to be vocal and help the prince to solve palace problems.

She loves her job very much. Also, Deok Im loves her friends, all of whom are palace maid. In her spare time, Deok Im and her friends love to spend time to playing, helping each other task, or just chit-chat to pass the time in their adolescence.

Perhaps, all of my descriptions above describe Deok Im's daily life. But suddenly, the prince falls in love with her. She realizes her feelings for the prince.

At first, she was in the denial phase. However, over time, she realizes that she can't resist the prince's charms. She knew, but she was afraid of losing everything she had.

She truly loves herself for being Deok Im, not for being the prince's mistress.

"If I give my whole life to love (the prince), I will definitely lose myself," is probably how Doek Im felt at that time.

As you may know, being a mistress is complicated and gives many disadvantages for women.

As a mistress, your day is full of "waiting for the man to come to the back hut", you have to provide excellent "service" and you have no right to refuse the man's will.

You lose your job, you lose leisure time with your loved ones, you lose your freedom. Basically, you lose your whole life.

The most painful thing is... You lose your identity; people don't call you by your name anymore.

It really portrayed women's fears very well (at the time), and even in this day and age, I see this is an issue that is still relevant. I - as women - understand the shoes that Doek Im wore at that time.

I hope people know and recognize that behind a wife, a mother, a grandmother, they are all themselves. They are not meant to lose themselves just because they want to be loved and have a role as they begin to choose a new life, to be a good partner for someone else for the rest of their lives; marriage.

I also hope we all have good love. Love doesn't force us to choose one between  "to be the loved one" or "not to lose the loved one (ourselves)" because we deserve love without having to fear losing ourselves.